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Studying Tea

Here’s a fun fact for you: Natasha has ADD. She is physically incapable of focusing on anything. ESPECIALLY anything productive. This is clear whenever she tries to study or do homework. She enters with the best of intentions, planning to get it done, to be assiduous all evening, and then to get good grades and become a very wealthy doctor.

Then she sees something shiny, and it all goes to shit.

It does not take much to distract Natasha. Anything will do: erasers, post-its, glitter, chairs, or anything on the computer. If nothing is available to her, she will just be distracted by the pens and pencils, and start twirling them.

Should Natasha actually be able to focus for a few minutes, there’s also the problem that she doesn’t like thinking. This is kinda the opposite of Irvin, who’s all for thinking and can focus if need be… he just has no work ethic. So between the two of them, nothing gets done.

They will sit down to study, Natasha being very determined that he teach her math. Then Natasha will spy a paperclip on the table and abandon her work. Irvin won’t have the drive to force her to work, and is perfectly content to sit there sipping tea.

Talking of tea, Irvin’s mother has a tendency to stockpile different varieties of tea. For some reason, this tends to disturb Natasha a lot. In particular, she was very upset when she opened a box of tea only to find it had another box of a different tea inside. “Deceitful lies!” she yelled, and slammed the boxes back into the cupboard. As Natasha is fond of saying, “You could make the Nile River into tea!” in reference to the teabag collection. “If you could turn the tea into food, and gave it to Africa, they would no longer need food – they’d be fat!”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6TK96RDXss

Remember, insanity isn’t contagious…we think.

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Piano Hands

Natasha has another obsession – not one to rival her chinchilla obsession, but an obsession nonetheless. She has an obsession with piano players. This is explained away by the fact that she is, in fact, a pianist – and thus, it’s perfectly natural for her to be attracted to their hands.

Yes, you read that right. Their hands. This is how Natasha tried to explain it to Irvin.

When you are a pianist, and you watch a pianist play, you can understand the grace and beauty of their hands. You’re using your hands to control an instrument, to play it. It’s amazing what those hands can do. And when you’re watching a professional pianist play, all you can think is, “Why aren’t those hands in me?”

The gist of it is that Natasha wants to have sex with all the piano players of the world, and as she’s doing the nasty with them, she will scream, “OH, YES!!! PLAY ME LIKE A PIANO!!!”

Remember, insanity isn’t contagious…we think.

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Happy Dodos (and Other Flightless Birds)

Needless to say, we were extremely thorough in our planning, and thus made plans to ensure our regime is not undermined after all our hard work taking over the throne. Thus, we made a second plan of what to do in the event of a rebellion. Let’s just say, the first few steps are not fit for publishing, since they involve some excessive brutal torture. However, once we have quelled the rebellion, here is what will happen to the insurgents.

“They are moved to Antarctica. We will have to check up on them periodically to make sure they don’t hurt the penguins or reproduce.”

“Bring back the dodo bird.”
[We had a very extensive conversation about this step, which also involved the Russian translation of “dodo,” which is apparently “idod.”]

“Make a really big throne, from which we can rule Bangkok and the rest of the world.” [Natasha demands one made out of diamonds. For Irvin, it just has to be comfortable.]

Like we said before, the world will be much happier once we’re in charge, full of happy people, happy penguins, happy dodo birds, and (of course) happy chinchillas.

Remember, insanity isn’t contagious…we think.

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Taking Over the World

What surprises people about Irvin and Natasha is that we quite often have serious conversations about politics and stuff like that. We have since determined that the world would really be much better off if we were its supreme rulers (as Natasha prefers to call it, dictators, but that’s not a politically correct term). To that end, we wrote down a plan titled “World Domination in 22 Easy Steps” on July 9th, 2008.

For our security purposes, we obviously cannot disclose the full contents of this plan… but rest assured, you will know it when it takes effect. For now, you’ll have to be content knowing that it involves an army of hot pink chinchillas. Because, let’s face it, what army could stand against a writhing mass of bouncing hot pink fluff?

And here we had you thinking all along that our obsession with chinchillas was purely for our entertainment! Muahahahahaha!!!

Also, once we take over the world, Natasha insists on making the world capital “Bangkok.” This was probably chosen completely at random. ;)

We have divvied up the continents between the two of us, and are convinced that the world will be a better place under our regime.

Remember, insanity isn’t contagious…we think.

P.S. Once we take over the world (because our plan will definitely work!), all followers of this blog will enjoy a position of privilege in the new world order.

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Pluto Is a Planet!!!

A couple years ago, something came up that enraged Irvin and Tasha to a ridiculous extent. Some snobs at the International Astronomical Union decided all of a sudden that Pluto was not a planet any longer.

SAY WHAT NOW?!?!?!

Why the hell would someone do that to Pluto? It’s like adopting a child into your family, and then kicking them out seventy years later shouting, “You’re not really one of us!” Pluto may be small, but as we screeched incessantly, it has feelings, too!

Honestly, if the stupid IAU was so concerned about Eris, why not just add a tenth planet? I’m pretty sure there is room in our heads to memorize a tenth planet name after the first nine. We could even extend the acronym: My Very Excellent Mother Just Gave Us Nine Poached Eggs. Instead, now our mothers just give us nine…nine what? Not pickles! Not pizzas! Just nine! We will never know what our mothers gave us!!!

Also, the IAU attempted to appease the Pluto fans by calling it a “dwarf planet.” Well, if we extend the definition of dwarf stars and dwarf galaxies to planets, then Pluto is still a planet! Just a small one! It’s not all about size, for goodness sake! Just ask Tasha – she’s not as superficial as those IAU assholes.

So you know what? Fuck you, astronomers! Pluto is still a planet! It always will be, for those of us who were born with nine planets in the sky. We should be considerate of poor Pluto’s feelings. So let us just say now, that Pluto, you are still a superb planet…you’re even our favorite planet! So there!

Remember, insanity isn’t contagious…we think. But this post was mostly sane, anyway.

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Twinkle

Today, we accomplished what most of the world thought impossible: we actually cleaned Irvin’s apartment. No one thought we could do it. And no one thought we would be ambitious enough to try. But try we did, and what’s more, we succeeded!

In order for you to understand the Herculean task that faced us at 2pm, let us explain the mess that we were sorting. Above Irvin’s computer desk is an expansive shelf, filled with every single paper and post-it and magazine from the last six or seven years. And once you get to know Irvin, you will realize that this is a LOT of paper.

Moreso, we also tackled the mess surrounded what was once an orderly DVD collection…orderly in the first few months of its existence in 2005. We not only compiled a list of all 117 DVD titles, we organized them, swept out the dust, went through each and every paper above the computer desk, and organized them into neat folders. And we even had time for strip card games in the middle.

During our mining of post-its, we came across some notes we made regarding chinchillas and Pluto and all kinds of bizarre things. Many of those things will find their way onto this blog. But for now, since there are still a few things to put away and it’s 2am, let us merely define the word “twinkle” for you.

“Twinkle” is generally accepted as a verb, and it is something that stars are often known to do. But what exactly is twinkling? We believe that it is a composite word, a combination of the following two words.

Tinkle (verb) – to pee

Winkle (verb) – to wink in a sultry manner


By combining the two, we get the following definition:

Twinkle (verb) – to pee while winking in a sultry manner

Evidently, this is something all stars do quite a lot. We’re not precisely sure why, but they do.

Remember, insanity isn’t contagious…we think.

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Mass-Producing Hot Pink Chinchillas

After a while, Tasha and Irvin came to the realization that they needed to mass produce hot pink chinchillas…do not ask why, dear reader, for the answer is rather long and convoluted (and insane). The point is that dipping individual chinchillas in red Koolaid simply would not suffice any longer.

So then came the question…how to mass produce hot pink chinchillas? As far as Tasha and Irvin knew, they were not born naturally from other chinchillas. But after a lot of investigation, they came up with two creatures whom they could breed to produce the desired result.

The first parent would be the one readily available: Natasha’s adorable and slightly evil/deranged cat Sassy. Sassy is quite a character, and will be discussed at length in some other blog post. But Sassy is already a ball of white fur (when Natasha’s clan doesn’t shave her, that is). So if we dyed Sassy hot pink, we would be halfway to a hot pink chinchilla.

But we then needed a partner for Sassy who would ensure her offspring could bounce high up and down…because if a hot pink ball of fluff bounced up and down, it would be a chinchilla! After a lot of deliberation, Tasha and Irvin decided that the best bouncing would be achieved by breeding Sassy with a Jack-in-the-Box.

And there you have it: we now had a plan to breed hot pink chinchillas by mating Sassy with a Jack-in-the-Box. It was pure genius!!!

Remember, insanity isn’t contagious…we think.

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Chinchilla Origin Story

One day, Tasha came to school, talking to a friend about a video she saw of an adorable chinchilla. She wanted one.

Her friend got incredibly excited and said, “I have a story for you!” Tasha looked at her with interest and invited her to continue.

“One day, my cousin decides to throw his chinchilla a birthday party – the adorable little fluff ball was turning one year old! All was going well, and everyone was having a grand old time. The birthday chinchilla was let out of its cage so it could wander and mingle with its guests.

“At some point during this mingling, some awful person stepped on the chinchilla, and squished it…to death!!!”


At first, Tasha was horrified – how could such a catastrophic thing occur?!? But then she called Irvin, and related the tragic tale to him. They then started brainstorming…if they got a chinchilla, how would they keep it safe from evil party-goers?

And then, they had an epiphany! Sure, some reckless people might step on a regular chinchilla, but NO ONE would step on a hot pink chinchilla!!! After all, who could just ignore a bouncing ball of hot pink fluff? Our chinchilla would be seen by everyone, and its safety thus ensured!

After some painstaking research, they discovered that hot pink chinchillas were very hard to come by. So they came up with a genius solution to that dilemma as well: they would get an ordinary run-of-the-mill white chinchilla, and would dye it hot pink by dipping it in red Koolaid. It would be a delicious experience for the chinchilla (so don’t call PETA!), a hilarious experience for everyone else, and best of all no one would stop on the chinchilla ever again!

And that is the origin story of our fascination with hot pink chinchillas.

Remember, insanity isn’t contagious…we think.

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Who The Hell Are We?

Hello!  Welcome to Pink Chinchilla Insanity.  We are your hosts, Irvin and Tasha.  Let us start off by explaining who we are, and why on earth you should care.

Let’s start off with a plain and simple fact: we are insane.  Absolutely, certifiably insane.  However, we have embraced this fact, and use it to entertain our friends.  You may wonder why we are called “Pink Chinchilla Insanity?”  Well, a lot of our singular brand of insanity is based on the idea of Hot Pink Chinchillas.  Tasha has a strange obsession with chinchillas (that she has passed on to Irvin), and decided that chinchillas would be even better if they were hot pink.  This would be easily accomplished by dipping a white chinchilla into red Koolaid.

Around this concept of hot pink chinchillas, we have created an entire mythology, involving Pluto, incest, jack-in-the-boxes, and world domination.  These will all be discussed in much further detail very soon.

A few basic facts: we’re a pair of college students living in New York City (which is the natural home of all psychos like us!).  We considered blaming our insanity on college, but the truth is that our minds were long gone way before that…probably around junior high when we started composing poetry about marrying monkeys.  However, being in college will probably only exacerbate our insanity as time goes by.

Stay tuned for further hijinks from the pair of us!  And remember, insanity isn’t contagious…we think.

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