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Studying Tea

Here’s a fun fact for you: Natasha has ADD. She is physically incapable of focusing on anything. ESPECIALLY anything productive. This is clear whenever she tries to study or do homework. She enters with the best of intentions, planning to get it done, to be assiduous all evening, and then to get good grades and become a very wealthy doctor.

Then she sees something shiny, and it all goes to shit.

It does not take much to distract Natasha. Anything will do: erasers, post-its, glitter, chairs, or anything on the computer. If nothing is available to her, she will just be distracted by the pens and pencils, and start twirling them.

Should Natasha actually be able to focus for a few minutes, there’s also the problem that she doesn’t like thinking. This is kinda the opposite of Irvin, who’s all for thinking and can focus if need be… he just has no work ethic. So between the two of them, nothing gets done.

They will sit down to study, Natasha being very determined that he teach her math. Then Natasha will spy a paperclip on the table and abandon her work. Irvin won’t have the drive to force her to work, and is perfectly content to sit there sipping tea.

Talking of tea, Irvin’s mother has a tendency to stockpile different varieties of tea. For some reason, this tends to disturb Natasha a lot. In particular, she was very upset when she opened a box of tea only to find it had another box of a different tea inside. “Deceitful lies!” she yelled, and slammed the boxes back into the cupboard. As Natasha is fond of saying, “You could make the Nile River into tea!” in reference to the teabag collection. “If you could turn the tea into food, and gave it to Africa, they would no longer need food – they’d be fat!”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6TK96RDXss

Remember, insanity isn’t contagious…we think.

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Piano Hands

Natasha has another obsession – not one to rival her chinchilla obsession, but an obsession nonetheless. She has an obsession with piano players. This is explained away by the fact that she is, in fact, a pianist – and thus, it’s perfectly natural for her to be attracted to their hands.

Yes, you read that right. Their hands. This is how Natasha tried to explain it to Irvin.

When you are a pianist, and you watch a pianist play, you can understand the grace and beauty of their hands. You’re using your hands to control an instrument, to play it. It’s amazing what those hands can do. And when you’re watching a professional pianist play, all you can think is, “Why aren’t those hands in me?”

The gist of it is that Natasha wants to have sex with all the piano players of the world, and as she’s doing the nasty with them, she will scream, “OH, YES!!! PLAY ME LIKE A PIANO!!!”

Remember, insanity isn’t contagious…we think.

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Happy Dodos (and Other Flightless Birds)

Needless to say, we were extremely thorough in our planning, and thus made plans to ensure our regime is not undermined after all our hard work taking over the throne. Thus, we made a second plan of what to do in the event of a rebellion. Let’s just say, the first few steps are not fit for publishing, since they involve some excessive brutal torture. However, once we have quelled the rebellion, here is what will happen to the insurgents.

“They are moved to Antarctica. We will have to check up on them periodically to make sure they don’t hurt the penguins or reproduce.”

“Bring back the dodo bird.”
[We had a very extensive conversation about this step, which also involved the Russian translation of “dodo,” which is apparently “idod.”]

“Make a really big throne, from which we can rule Bangkok and the rest of the world.” [Natasha demands one made out of diamonds. For Irvin, it just has to be comfortable.]

Like we said before, the world will be much happier once we’re in charge, full of happy people, happy penguins, happy dodo birds, and (of course) happy chinchillas.

Remember, insanity isn’t contagious…we think.

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Taking Over the World

What surprises people about Irvin and Natasha is that we quite often have serious conversations about politics and stuff like that. We have since determined that the world would really be much better off if we were its supreme rulers (as Natasha prefers to call it, dictators, but that’s not a politically correct term). To that end, we wrote down a plan titled “World Domination in 22 Easy Steps” on July 9th, 2008.

For our security purposes, we obviously cannot disclose the full contents of this plan… but rest assured, you will know it when it takes effect. For now, you’ll have to be content knowing that it involves an army of hot pink chinchillas. Because, let’s face it, what army could stand against a writhing mass of bouncing hot pink fluff?

And here we had you thinking all along that our obsession with chinchillas was purely for our entertainment! Muahahahahaha!!!

Also, once we take over the world, Natasha insists on making the world capital “Bangkok.” This was probably chosen completely at random. ;)

We have divvied up the continents between the two of us, and are convinced that the world will be a better place under our regime.

Remember, insanity isn’t contagious…we think.

P.S. Once we take over the world (because our plan will definitely work!), all followers of this blog will enjoy a position of privilege in the new world order.

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